Btw I've read that book you bought me...And I'm such a bitch now
But I don't think guys love me
My brain says no but my pants say off.
She looked like a pterodactyl.....but dude i love dinosaurs
No driving. The car is spinning. I am praying for mcdonalds.
i just had to use the keg as a stool to reach the margarita maker. i'm such a problem solver.
Where is my rescue team. I keep hiding shit. And I'm trying to give out shots of olive oil
Remember the girl passed out in front of my fireplace?
You will receive a large, large reward, worth much more than the actual phone you are holding, paid not only in cash but in sexual favors, if you return this phone! Please respond if you're interested in cash/sex/or just being a good person. Thanks and hope to hear from you soon!
We were just at different life stages. He wanted to get married and have kids, I wanted to take MDMA and fuck my roommate.
I gave you a piece of bread to sober you up. You wiped your face off with it and then gave it back to me.
Haha, I gave you the rest of the cash I had on me and you bought 3 shots for yourself and beer for everybody except me FUCKFACE.
I just told my mother my "if there are drugs I'm only taking them if I don't have to pay" rule and witnessed her perception of my shatter and crumble behind her eyes.
You insisted that your middle name was "velociraptor" for 20 minutes and every time someone said something you tried to relate it to velociraptors. That kind of drunk.
So I definitely tried to pay a cab with baseball tickets last night
He called me Kitten either just because or he figured out my old s&m life. Either way huge turn on.
Randomize
