I realize that when i start making 24-themed music videos in my head to the song 'love is a battlefield' that i really need to get out more
I mean we havent seen each other since december and then bam its cinco de mayo and were having sex under a life guard tower taking tequila shots between each position. no big deal
he thinks im joking when i say don't visit. i mean it's summer...he was the college fuck and now it's time for the summer fuck
I can see why you broke up with her now... it was like having sex with a corpse.
For future reference, when you see people who look like Rosie O'donell, do not tell them they look like Rosie O'donell.
was i strangled at any point last night? or was his dick just that long
I'm still not completely convinced I'm not pregnant. I just dipped beef jerky in cream cheese frosting.
Won't anyone wonder why I'm mute, bald, and wearing an eye patch?
Life for us students isn't all fun and drunken lesbian affairs you know
Because nothing screams stable like yelling at a guy in a bar because last time you hooked up he stole your underwear.
Saw a girl outside my apartment shotgun a bud light, then a red bull, get in her Tahoe, and drive 4 people away. Gotta love thirsty Thursday.
I woke up on his couch and my bra was flung across the floor and filled with animal crackers
DO YOU REALIZE HOW AWESOME MY GRANDMA WOULD BE IF SHE GOT HIGH
Today some guy at work told me I had the nicest hair he's ever seen and my response was "thanks I grew it myself". This is why I'm single.
Babe, holding my hair while i blow you doesn't count as being romantic
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