Princeton has an emergency contraception worldwide website. It is in moments like these that I love my university
My mom asked me if I was being satisfied, sexually. And then discussed positioning.
Its Friday night, and I'm sitting at home watching are you smarter then a 5th grader, drinking vodka. I got every single question wrong. Clearly you see where I'm headed in life.
This is even worse then that time I fucked a guy just because he had air conditioning.
When I opened my laptop there was a half eaten little debbie oatmeal cream pie inside.
I woke up covered in his pee. And then he poked me on Facebook.
Random Survey Question: If things start getting serious with this cop, do I have to stop doing coke?
Amanda bynes is my spirit animal
Dear Jesus. Send me strength to not suck cock this morning.
i need to start buying Plan B in bulk and leaving them at the door. I'm really sick of walking to CVS with my one-nighters
Geez don't go to a bar for a few days and everyone freaks out.
I told him I'd ride his broomstick if he let me call him Harry Potter and drew a lightning bolt on his forehead.
we're spending all day in bed drinking spiked eggnog and fucking
I told the emergency room nurse I didn't want to stop and ruin the moment. She said safewords are there for a reason. Super condescending. Got her number though.
Turns out it's a fake number.
This lady is talking to me and all I can think about is getting face fucked and doing cocaine. Not neccesarily together and not neccesarily in that order
Randomize
