listen if there's one thing I'm asking of you tonight is that you buy me a cow for my farmville.
Tell me you're stoned. It's 2:40am.
duuuude. vodka popsicles DO NOT function.
I just woke up and checked my e-mail, and apparently while drunk I bought a blowtorch. Thought you'd want to know.
I wouldnt endorse that guy if he was walking in a walkathon to raise money for a disease i had
Held my professor's hair back while she was puking. I'd better get an A out of this or else the pics are going on Facebook.
Right now I can't do anything that will ban me from donating plasma. That is a legit source of income for me.
She just face-timed her mom and had her watch all of us toast to her grandmas tits..
I don't fucking care about the convenience of not having freudian slips. I spent 2009-2011 screwing around with 3 different Daniels. 2012 WILL be the dawn of a new day
How about a mike?
Already had two of those
how much ball-pain constitutes an emergency?
I apologize for being mean. I love the blender and your vagina.
do you ever look at a card in your wallet and reminisce about all of the drugs youve done with it?
He wore the same cologne as my orthodontist so all I could think about was how I hadn't worn my retainer in months
She was trying to be sexy well putting on my condom with her mouth when her cat pounced from the corner of the room witch caused her to gasp and inhale the condom
dude, totally just walked home...using pizza as gloves
That's true. Ask me when I'm not fucked up. Nvm hold on. Btw. Wikipedia dinosaur. It's fascinating
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