I was so hungover I threw up on her when she answered the door. i don't think it was a good first impression
Random fact of the day: cum is a really good eye makeup remover
we've started having sober sex
you really do like him
Ok Ghana you win again. Tell you what...Double or nothing over women's tennis, basketball, hockey, war, baseball, golf, swimming, diving, oil spills, box office proceeds, internet porn sites, criminals incarcerated, women's downhill, bass fishing, NASCAR, or GDP?
Why the FUCK can i grow hair on my big toes but not on my chest?
Just found out I reached my $2500 deductible and I have a $5 million dollar cap on my health insurance. Let's get drunk and do something recklessly stupid tonight.
She had one drink in her cleavage and another in her hand. She kept rotating between the two by leaning backward and then sipping the one in her hand.
I feel like everything I touch in this bar I'm gonna get hepatitis. my kinda joint
STOP LICKING HIS MUSTACHE
I just found out that I slept with Kate Gosselin's publicist back in June . Brb I have to wash myself endlessly.
I'm so hungover it hurts to blink.. oh sweet merciful Christ what have I done
Attempting to sleep without a bra since i got my nips pierced wish me luck. Also almost sent that to my coworker.
We just stood there eating chocolate chip pancakes, watching you sleep on the bathroom floor.
Have you ever got so drunk that you tasted the future?
So my ex just asked for my address to send me his wedding invitation... in Europe. Awesome.
That’s basically a green light to fuck his dad
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