Why did you send me a picture of a dick?
It was an accident sry. Not mine tho.
Seriously. Destroy her vagina. Do it like an angry baboon mating with a gentle manatee.
Haha he acted like he's never seen a tampon catapolt across the hall before
he said something along the lines of "fish can smell fear"
he was once again the drunkest girl at the party
So that's all you want from me. Easy ass.
And an everlasting friendship
Can we be in one of those super weird relationships where you carry me around everywhere?
I'm on a treadmill at the gym ordering pizza on my phone so it'll get to my house around the time I get home. I NEED HELP. Or I'm a genius. I haven't decided.
Never let him bartend when he's tripping. He sprinkled a ton of mexican shredded cheese over a jack and coke and called in a Monterey Jack Daniels.
Super awkward when the coworker you made out with in exchange for molly last weekend keeps coming over to your cube and trying to talk to you
Trying to decide who to DD on the fourth and I came up with a Who's who of guys I've hooked up with in the last month. Not an ideal situation, but I have a feeling it's gonna happen anyway.
i chased my gummy vitamins with cold bacon, never say I don't take care of myself
Enjoy the penises
At least you didn't lose your virginity to chumbawumba
Etiquette question... How do you tell your mother that her nipple is out in her fb profile picture?
Randomize
