She was so drunk that I kept trying to switch out her wine for water. Sort of like Jesus, but in reverse.
Just had another dream about being on Real Chance of Love. I think it's a sign.
Should I feel bad that I fucked her and made her ride my little brothers razor scooter home?
You don't have to believe me. My vagina knows it happened.
Dude. I legit missed class because I got too engrossed in the porn I was watching. Also I need to figure out how to get as flexible as these chicks. Some of the positions they do are outrageous.
Haha yeah that's basically it. He was like "i've always had a thing for you, and even sober i still would do and feel the same way." so glad to know i am worthy of a sober hookup as well.
As its breast cancer awareness month, I'm going to do my part by making everyone aware of my breasts
So far in the last ten minutes I have tried to pour cereal into a plate. Today's gonna be a great day.
Is it weird that the cop that arrested me called me twice to tell me that I left my ring at the police station
I COULD BREAK CONCRETE WITH MY FOOTBALL ERECTION.
I don't know if your celebrity crush has ever asked you for nudes, but it's fucking awesome
ill dress up as a sperm donor and you can go as the cup....
The zoom feature on snap chat videos is the worst thing to ever happen to sexting
I'm just going to take a nap and hope I wake up more attractive.
It's official. My little brother has had more sex in my car than I have. I'm still tied with my little sister. I hate everybody.
Randomize
