i forgot what you looked like. so we left to get pizza. sorry
I brought red and green boonsfarm to the white elephant party. classy and festive. I think this is what people are referring to when they talk about killing two birds with one stone.
I found them in the kitchen microwaving bottle rockets chanting U.S.A U.S.A U.S.A
Don't mean to be rude. But did you, by any chance, cut down a tree from my neighbors backyard last night? And did you also drag it to my yard and burn it?
He's basically like a fancy dildo that buys me dinner.
There's still flour in my hair. And I don't even want to know what the neighbors think happened infront of my house.
I think I sprained my soul last night
Going to an AA meeting just so I can fuck him...That's dedication
i know i should keep better track of the things that i put in your vagina but i've put so many things in there it's hard to keep track
Nothing says "lifelong friendship" like FaceTiming in a sex shop.
He was just lying on the living room floor watching Star Wars with six empty pack of cigarettes and two empty cases of beer.
In his defence I guess I did take the bed, couch and dining room set in the breakup.
Sounds like she has 4 first names. Like a sad version of Ricky bobby
OMFG "ASS" JUST STARTED PLAYING ON MY PHONE VIA PANDORA AS IM IN THE CAR WITH A CONGRESSMAN FUCKKKK
Apparently I drunkenly agreed to help the homeless. For once, I'm not disappointed in drunk me. Four for you, drunk self. You go, drunk self!
That kid singlehandedly fucked the breakup right out of me. I'm only hooking up with Millenials from here on out.
Randomize
