Shitting during a conference call is so empowering.
So i told my advisor i had to drop the class bc the prof said "supposably" and "irregardless" within the 1st 10 minutes of the 1st class; she agreed with me that dropping it was the best choice
I probably should have cut it off when he started putting queso on my nipples, but within ten minutes I was a self-serve burrito bar.
After we finished he asked if I knew if it was a boy or girl. Diet. Starts. Now.
Any idea who the guy in my bed tagged as rattlesnake dick might be?
Drunk me thought he was hot enough to overlook the fact that he had poison ivy and still have sex with him. Sober me wants to know if you have any calamine lotion.
We told our cab driver we'd give him 3 grand if he pit maneuvered you guys in your cab.
I'm not considering your visit a success until we've fucked every cock in the ethnic rainbow...between the four of us we should have it done by x-mas
She told me she gets scared easily and that I had to protect her. Then I made a condom joke that ended up making her cry... All bad dude
I slept with an Israeli and a Palestinian in the same day. It feels wrong.
Apparently I told a girl last night, that's she's super beautiful and I don't want to fuck she just deserves being eaten out
Kripsy Kremes at our place, bring your own coffee. And your own donuts because these ones are ours.
Why is there puke in my guitar?
Because you puked in your guitar.
Do you remember telling our cab driver you were going to fuck a penguin?
I just called my kid butt plug. Does that make me a bad mommy??
This may be the most diplomatic thing you've ever said
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