just next time i won't let coke make me think I'm superman and drink a shit ton.
By the grace of god and the ingenuity of Alexander Graham Bell, this text message is made possibe: YOU ARE A WHORE
he took off his pants and apologized in advance if I thought he was too small.
dude, I just walked in on your little brother changing clothes...I'm ashamed to say I noticed, but that kid has as MASSIVE cock...
Yeah...we all know. it's the elephant in the room at family gatherings.
that is a frighteningly accurate metaphor for it.
Lowest moment of my life just occurred. I literally threw up all over myself in front of my parents.
I walked in on her just letting her nose bleed into her friend's hands
I just accidentally hit share on pornhub... Probably the scariest moment of my life
If you say no to drinking on a Monday then I'm going to take you to the hospital for a MRI
There was an unopened condom by my car when I went to pick it up this morning. Someone may have fucked on the hood of my car last night. Don't think it was me but I can't rule it out 100%.
It was like a Thanksgiving meal, which you spend 8 hours cooking, and the family wolfs down in 20 minutes. All that flirting and build-up for like 90 seconds of pumping and he was gone in a flash, never to be heard from again.
He said he actually "met" me for the first time through a picture his housemate had of me, drunk and passed out in a pool of my own vomit, on the floor of his basement.
I think I fell asleep on the dance floor at one point...but played it off cool and acted like I just did the robot.
Yeah, he threw a chair and hit her in the side of the head. She started hysterically crying and then proceeded to continue kicking our ass at beerpong. The girls got talent.
She tied me to the bed and did lines off my chest before sex. I’m going to put that on my bucket list just so I can cross it off
They got skeletons in the booths to enforce social distancing.
Thought they were weekend at berniesing that shit at first.
Randomize
