ok so i jsut did the walk of shame with this random guy that i had sex with at the hotel party, and the lady at the front desk said "wow you're just now leavin?"
You need to tell your booty call to take some sudafed or something. I swear I thought you were humping Kermit the frog last night
Her face just looks like a massive mistake. That's the only legitimate description I can say about it
She has a lazy eye!
My other option is a hardwood floor
I just remembered that he had fake blood all over his face last night. I woke up with it all over my dick. He was 50. Please don't judge me.
I want a burrito.
Truly, you are the voice of a generation.
the cab driver asked if you were our mom. you definitely shouldn't have tipped him so much.
Like do you hear me I PUKED IN MY OWN HANDS AND HE STILL SAID I WAS GORGEOUS
Hey, ok if I kidnap you? I wanna test a theory.
I have to drop off my inflatable penis costume at the bar for my bartender. Do you think you could meet me there at like 630?
is there a line between daddy kink and oedipus complex?
Seriously just told the plant the cheese Pringles are mine.
I'm hiding in my office refusing to turn the light on holding puke down stealing and shoveling down the meeting snacks and regretting my poor life choices. goldfish crackers are like crack to me right now. how is your day?
wheres my face? and why is my pocket so big?
Want to go to Victoria’s Secret? His fiancée is out of town and I’m going to try and stop the wedding with lingerie and lots adventurous sex
Absolutely! I love a good sexual filibuster!
Randomize
