I don't want to talk about it. He was like the Little Engine that couldn't get me off.
i wanna give whoever invented massage chairs a blow job.
She asked me why I was wearing a Batman Suit. Have I ever needed a reason to wear a Batman Suit?
I gave the naked guy in the hotel hall a pop tart. He stopped crying.
he asked me to lick his asshole and I told him his girlfriend could do that for him
We literally just Chinese fire drilled so I could give him road head.
At least I will not still be rolling when I pick up this animal. Thats a good development in five years
Well on a lighter note, I had sex in a food truck.
Thanks for takin my cousin out last night, sorry I passed out so early
You kidding, the kids a legend. He literally killed a bottle of Jamison, made out with a girl AND her Mom at the bar, stole us slices of pizza and told the cab driver where to go in Spanish. He doesn't even live in the area. Can we keep him?
So i just remembered that thing i use to do with your butt because of shark week.
So unmotivated today.
Who am I kidding. So unmotivated this decade.
Can u pick me up? Lost my keys.
Sure. FYI- you "lost" them on the roof, trying to throw them over the house.
So I said "fuck it" and made myself a sandwich
There is a french fry attached to my steering wheel and a note that says "eat me yum yum" can you explain this?
He set the tone in the back of his car by blasting Marvin Gaye's sexual healing before railing me
Randomize
