Karaoke makes my soul die one wretched song at a time
she asked me if i wanted her to take her wedding ring off while she was giving me a handjob.
We woke up, fucked, and shared a piece of my sister's first communion cake for breakfast.
And you thought you were going to hell last weekend.
what has two thumbs and is going to bang you boss on monday?
Mark is going to get hypothermia. he is shirtless eating snow bc he "doesnt want to be dehydrated" tomorrow. youre in charge.
We lit firecrackers from NYE in the fireplace and he was so passed out that he slept through it.
Getting up is taking longer than anticipated. Alcoholic fish bowls have made getting out of bed a multitstep process.
So my bf wanted to cum on my face and I let him. Afterwards I wiped some off, wiped it across his forehead and said, "The king has returned".
In case you're keeping score at home, this is Brad's SECOND Doritos-related trip to the ER.
I think she's going to be dangerous to drink with, but I'm ready for the adventure.
MAYDAY. glass in foot, have crush on guy with mullet.life is over.
I just bought a bong from a hot dog stand.
I don't care if we're married you can't just walk into the bedroom with a pizza box expecting to get laid
I should probably eat a Plan B. Pill for breakfast. Happy Halloween.
I jumped the fence at the bar last night. My dress got stuck and I ended up flashing the entire patio for a good 30 seconds.
At the 10 second mark everyone started to whistle and cheer. Free drinks all night
Randomize
