I can already tell this is gonna be one of those parties where we sit across the room and text about people.
We named our party play list daddy issues
I think misery doesn't even think of me as company anymore. I'm an unofficial roommate.
He choked me out. i woke up to poo. I dont think i like S&M
I'm not sure if what i'm hearing downstairs is sex or not, but if it is, it sounds like there's a dog involved...i'm mildly concerned.
I guess you don't remember pouring tequila in the dog bowl and slurping it.
as much as i want to say no i cant cause i need the trophy wife training
He said and I quote "Had to beat one off in the Burger King bathroom before I went over." Thats somebody that takes pride in his work.
You don't have anything to lose--we've established that he's not going to murder you and he smells good.
My dad found me naked curled up under a towel on the couch with a fucking tub of butter and a spoon. Ambien Mondays are dead
I just had to take my laptop away from him because he was on Amazon and had 20 Seahawks garden gnomes in his cart.
I'm excited I love mornings when I'm not sober
Not as great as when your drunk mom grabbed my junk, but better than when your sober grandma sacktapped me and grabbed my butt.
now acid just makes me think of crab ragoon
I wish I could be the kind of drunk Bobbi is... She stumbles around outside at 4am with a broken high heel and babbling about rainbows and getting dick...
Randomize
