So im using the back of a keystone box as notecard for my presentation
i don't care how ready and willing she is. she is where penises go to die
ive been a drunken mess for the last 5 days. i feel like a 19 year old again
Can we get blazed at 9:06 on sunday and reenact the moment of my birth?
I get to be your mom.
I walked down to the adult beverage store and got two bottles of jim beam and s shooter of crwon black label because we didn't have any Tylenol
Fuck that must be a crazy sunburn.
I'm chugging Gatorade because i drank something called a trashcan and someone named Gianna diamond has my credit card number, and I think I might have ruined my life.
the evidence from last night is not good...
what evidence?
my underwear is on inside out, and there are french fries in my hair...
your sister totally cock blocked me last night don't even think about inviting her to taco night
Happy 420. I woke up to a girl smoking weed and dragging me out of bed. Chemistry makes so much sense high.
I wanted to make out with that blonde just so I could deck her boyfriend and make things interesting.
At least that would be something.
I woke up in confetti... confetti and shame
Why does 2015 have to start with so many regrets?
So I ate half a jar of mayo because I thought it would cure a hangover. I thought wrong.
I keep track of what day of the week it is by my recent destinations on my nav system. \nRight now it's: booty call, bar, booty call, brunch, bar, church so that must mean we are getting close to Sunday when we start the rotation all over again.
Bitch I slept on the ground 2 nights running
Randomize
