I think my hot accountant is wearing banana republic. I miss the days when that ='ed gay. Signals are so confusing now.
Remember back in the day when getting fingered in the movie theater was the best thing ever?
I just woke up and shes still asleep next to me with her vibrator inside her and on. Whats normal protocol for this situation?
I miss your penis. And I totally say this as a friend. I just miss it because it's great. You should be very proud of it.
using the left over highlighters from the blacklight party to study for finals. feeling the need to write insert penis here on my econ notes.
im still trying to figure out who put the honey mustard in the blender then put the entire blender into the freezer
That girl gave me her number because you were arrested. I am so proud of you dude.
Min and u sung xhionubjs. Cause that's what u kiij like a xhionunk
Get dressed, I have 50$ and you need a new beer pong table since we threw yours off the 8th floor last night.
Their engagement party consisted of them doing shots, yelling at each other, leaving for 30 minutes, and coming back with smiles.
I'd say they're off to a great start!
You know our reunion in two weeks shall be a drunken bikini clad magical adventure right
Mom looked at me, frowned, and said "it makes me sad to see you drink before noon.." So i told her if she doesn't like it she needs to stop waking me up before noon.
I know I've become a responsible adult because this time, I'm not going to do the drugs I found on the ground
Remember earlier when I was excited about finding that birth control pill in my purse? Definitely acid.
I lost my voice. So I'm going to pretend I'm Ariel with legs today.
Randomize
