All I want to do is go home, strip down to my pants, get in the shower and pee down my leg
Im partying with a unicorn. You don't even know.
i wonder if detective benson from law and order takes those handcuffs home. i bet she does.
you are my new fav person for making him do the walk of shame in pink footie pajamas!
I just got cut off for correcting the bartender's grammar. I should have never accepted that fucking editors position.
New plan for Halloween: you dress as Waldo, I'll dress as Carmen San Diego. We can just hide in a closet drinking till someone finds us.
Its okay I walked into your house, searched for my wallet in your purse, and took a shot of Tequilia all without eye contact, right?
One good thing out of all this is her ass is huge. Like Australia Big.
Yeah I just don't know how I feel about my fuck buddy coming to work at my dads office with me.
Omg yes! I just found a random muffin! Don't question it. Just praise the miracle.
She just asked to come over. She's either going to bring one of her dads guns and kill me or we're going to end up having insane lesbian sex.
He won't have sex to beyonce. I hate him.
By chance and just chance did you find a cock ring? By chance
It was the easiest thing I've ever done. 3am she walked into my room, saw my Buffalo Bills blanket, said go bills and got naked.
I think the cats may be lesbians. It could just be a two hour mutual bath but it sure looks like a 69.
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