I can't disclose who, but one time I called someone, they didn't pick up, and immediately texted back 'will call later, masturbating'
I thought that was really considerate
he used the word "rubber" i just couldn't do it after that.
I just withdrew $200 in ones. I think the teller knew what was up
Very hungover, bought a newspaper and found my shorts from last night in the machine.
The only reason we got away with streaking last time was cuz we had those miner hats
I have just figured that it takes exactly 2 and a half rums to clean the bathroom..
We convinced the Dj to let us play musical chairs...... I won by the way.
I'm running on jager fumes right now. It's like I put diesel in a prius and said fuck it.
I believe you would have been proud of me last night.. I was chasin Fireball shots with Jack and Coke. Guess there's a reason they call me Whiskey Woman.
Haven't sucked a dick since mid December. In crisis mode.
Did I wash my face last night at your house? Where did my eyebrows go??
Just wore the promise ring dad gave me freshman year of high school as a fake wedding band while I bought a pregnancy test. I think it's safe to say that's not what he had in mind with that gift 14 years ago.
Comedy Central is in dire need of more sitable faces late at night - Trevor Noah has a baby face - there are federal rules against those types of sexual fantasies
you were acting out moves from the wwe, in a dress. then you sceamed "you can't see me" and ran out of the apt.
i may have just googled 'is philly rioting right now'
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