Ehh boy. FML. she was unattractively large.
My doc was like ur only supposed to have 6 sexual partners..thats just one semester at college
Green mimosas i think yes
You hopped on the counter after puking, and told us you were wearing bare feet and didn't want to be alone.
Me. You. Shitty green clothes from Savers that we will dub alligator costumes. Middle of the quad tomorrow at noon. Bring your alligator voice and the pearls before swine comic.
Anything you tell me within three minutes of an orgasm isn't even being recorded in my head.
Can we make a pact that if we're 40 and still sluts that aren't married we can get civil unioned the fuck up and raise an asian baby as our own?
I'm definitely going to class still drunk right now and the freshman dressed as Hugh Heffner last night is texting me. I can't handle this.
On duty sugar tits. A Marine never abandons his post to take nudi pics.
Today has been like a snow day for your boobs. No rules, just doing whatever they want.
They have a house rule that you get a composite for every 5 guys you sleep with. Where should I hang my new one?
Please don't call my dad a fuckpuppet, I feel like that would be awkward to explain later.
I'm kinda sad I'm leaving the bank. I never got to have rough sex in the vault.
I knocked over his glass and he yelled "Oh no the boxed wine!" and slurped it off the coffee table. Then he showed me how to mix maple syrup, Jameson, and coffee. My family is better than your family.
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Randomize
