Mars, I'm going to name my child horatio mars. He will hate me till he gets high. Then he'll understand
Oh no. He has the "I'm 30 years old and I just shit myself in public" face.
Im so ripped right now that i just filled the almost empty bottle of choc syrup with milk and drank it straight out of the bottle. It was on pointttttt.
the game I always play with drunk me is can-you-button-and-unbutton things? If the answer is no, go home. Usually it's his pants
I'd love to sympathize with you but I'm drunk in a mansion
there isn't one for "I'll give you an I'm sorry blowjob" but that's also an option you have. in the meantime here is an emoticon of a caterpillar
Her desktop wallpaper is a collage of penises she fucked.
The plan was to get laid... Now the plan is to survive.
Everyone was passed out so I turned off the lights and locked all the doors. I also took the chicken sandwich in the microwave as payment.
I can't wait till they start promoting the testiciplasty. Turn those old prunes into fresh tight kiwis!
Haha! You know I mean that in a positive way. Like, "let them eat cake!" Or in our case, "let them achieve obesity from the two entree plate at Panda Express!"
we're drinking bellinis i mean god's titty nectar
Gays age differently than straights. 29 is like 45 in gay years. Next year I'll be in adult diapers and applying for medicaid.
THERE IS WEED IN MY OVEN. HOW AM I EVER SUPPOSED TO MAKE CHICKEN PARMESAN WITH WEED IN MY OVEN.
Either im seeing the northern lightgs, someone is having a rave, or im on acid.. Im most likely on acid
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