I just ate a cockroach and I want to be a fire truck.
people from other dorms came to marvel at the dump i took. i had a bio major take a picture.
Ways to know you did something wrong: you sugar-coated it for your therapist.
there was enough confetti in my bra to throw another NYE party
I got a bikini wax for the first time today and I think I now understand feminism.
As i lay in bed, clutching my face, i'm starting to believe your dick in my eye story.
I saw him walking to campus with his beer in his hand in the same sweats he wore walking to campus with a beer in his hand yesterday.
I made Mark strip for me and do a stripper dance. I put 2 dollars in his mouth
You were crying because you hate wine coolers but you really wanted to prove you could finish it
Thanks for letting me in last night. I was drunkenly sleepwalking.
Does it count as working out if stops are taken every half hour to smoke a blunt?
I think all the guys I've fucked in my life would get along perfectly. They'd probably form an orchestra and travel the fucking world. That gives me the slightest feeling of consistency in life which is great.
We didn't get home until 4 am. Her mom let us in, confessed that she had sex with someone she worked with and said he had a small penis. I love this family.
I've decided I will have no shame for the things I don't remember doing.
just used my $120 dollar stats book for the first time to kill an ant... good thing i stole it
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