Being alone has allowed me to flourish into a complete weirdo
mom just found 19 empty wine bottles in my closet. i hate spring cleaning
best line ever after sex today..."wow, that was a porn-star sized load"
Youre at medical school. Im eating raw cookie dough, pickles, and orange juice. Naked. On a monday afternoon. I clearly make better life choices than you.
This might sound awkward, but can I borrow a dildo for class?
Life seems so much brighter and more vibrant after you have sex with a 20 year old. It's like how Kansas was in black and white and Oz was in technicolor.
I have this rep as a wingman for a reason. I'm like a poon caddy. "You might want to use a 9 iron on this hole. "
As the cops are taking us away I see the strippers taking our DD backstage.
I seriously had alll four of your knuckles bruised into my arm
My coworker's brand new computer showed up today. He's on vacation for the next week. Brian and I are installing Windows 98 on it.
Do they still have sex clubs in San Francisco? Because that'd be an interesting way to spend Easter.
Also you can't just sext a Michelle quote from Full House.
I'm a dude in a dress, who came to a party with Holly GoLightly, got hit on by Bambi's mom, and wants to do terrible things to Link. Halloween is weird
Please clarify that he is speaking of beer pong and not rough sex
I just paid $10 for tinder plus so that I could change my location to Rio and match with Olympic Athletes
Randomize
