she lunged for my junk like it was the cure for swine flu
Why dose there have to be another girl there for you to do this?
its hotter. Way hotter.
Word to the wise: do not smoke before going grocery shopping with only 12 bucks. So stressful.
how do i say, "my ex is going to be at this party so don't look like shit" without sounding like a bitch?
She either was great at sex or I finished the whole bottle of svedka my self
In less than 3 minutes we had 3 security guards running after us
The kid I'm babysitting just asked if I had a boyfriend. WHY IS A FOUR YEAR OLD MAKING ME FEEL BAD ABOUT MY LIFE
I gotta shower this stuff off me I'm starting to hear baby kittens in the toilet tank again..
As long as I don't spend the half the week passed out/fucked up on Klonopin and no one dies, this will be the best week I've had all semester.
I'm gonna chug this bud light an might injure this high school penis, like I'm 17 again
I may or may not be setting up an encounter with a foot fetishist just because I'm curious.
This is even better than the wine from my laundry basket
Well at least I will forever be known as the girl he ate out on the lifeguard stand while people walked by. On the first date.
Did you know that chef boy-ar-dee was a real person? I watched a show about him. the history of the ravioli is more scandalous than you would think.
Only you would offer whiskey to a man in liver failure.
Randomize
