I knew I shouldn't have slept with her...my dick looks like a stegosaurus tail
The preggo girl brought her pet chipmunk to class today. fyi.
So the first 4 hours of my morning was equivalent to seeing under water. Things were starting to get better until I remember I drank mustard for free stuff and flossed my teeth with a strand of hair from a stranger in the bathroom.
That was the apt with beer in the juice and the floor caving in. Don't go.
I'm tired and starving, and I'm pretty sure I just cost the company 33,000 dollars...fuck you and you're "you'll love going to work high" nonsense.
Watching him is like watching a star slowly implode
My mom just told me my dad shaves his pubes while drunk and I don't know how to feel anymore.
Did you really just call a picture of your erect penis art?
So we were in bed when his brother walks in, walks over to me, fist bumps me and says he just wanted to say hi, then leaves...so random lmao
i just realized I haven't been laid all summer. So sad. What a waste of a perfectly good vagina.
Welp, I'm allergic to codeine. Found that one out the hard way.
So I'm trying to figure out how to talk my boss into allowing pajama day once a week. Any ideas?
my gyno just used the expression "dick around." too far?
Note to self: dont wear a butt plug for several hours and then go gym and try and do squats
I Never thought my late 30s would end up with me getting eaten out on a desk in the managers office of a lululemon, but I guess being a franchise owner has its perks!
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