That's the last time I fill my pockets with sushi.
he was screaming in a recently acquired accent that he paid for delivery and they could cancel the entire order if they didn't come upstairs
I thought you said it was going to get worse not hilarious.
the delivery boy turned out to be my students mother. now she knows that i have incredibly low standards AND thanks to the fact that he still has dialup the pizza tracker was way off and she rang the bell and he answered mid bong rip.
Bring mistletoe to the strip club, and they feel obligated. they dont even charge you
Sacagawea was the original milf.
Just walked by a yard full of girls wearing bikinis. I did my best to stare.
i wish you were under my bed. you sexy russian fur trapper.
please. text the right number. youve been sending me these all night.
were you high?
When?
Actually just blanket yes to that question
Although I commend your efforts to keep my penis away from her, your sister is now booty walking up my stairs. Good game though, good game.
I wonder how your parents would feel if the scarf they gave me for Christmas is mainly being used for a blindfold during sex...
The drunk people on this bus are singing Journey songs. This is the whitest thing I've ever experienced
Best thing she said after I kicked her out "rugby guys have single handedly ruined my faith in men"
I hate ovaries. They're horrible little sacs of satanic enmity.
That's the most poetic description of female anatomy I've ever heard.
Hey before you quit, let me sell drugs to your boss at least one more time
I peed in front of kids, unfortunately
It's a novelty for anyone to see a girl like me in a skirt like this milking a cow
Randomize
