i kinda do this "flirt with girls and pretend to be a hot white guy named chris" thing
So we've decided on 'hamburger' as your code for tonight. If you add ketchup or fries, we know the threat level has escalated.
a kid in a transformers shirt tried to pick me up last night at work. he also rolled up on a bicycle, the kind with pedals. do i look that easy?
Can I use cash for clunkers to trade in her boobs for a new set of 18 year old tits?
Its worth a shot.
we just made rock paper scissors into a drinking game
he described going down on me as being like 'entering a jungle of deliciousness and fur
WHY DO YOU ALWAYS PUT THE PLUG IN THE SINK BEFORE YOU PUKE IN IT
You know our reunion in two weeks shall be a drunken bikini clad magical adventure right
Its like her house is inhabited by 50 year old lesbian water color artists with a throw pillow fetish
He challenged me to a drink off, I couldn't just say no. It was a matter of pride really.
And as he was cursing your name from the bathroom you were ordering yourself another drink on his tab. The poor bastard had no clue you were a pro drunk
Gotta get new sheets. ..I fucked the satin off mine.
I can't remember if I puked before or after the shots of absinthe. Or why I thought shots of absinthe was a good idea.
Sooooooo, maybe just fucked on a motorcycle.
Stay strong! Remember we're too uncoordinated to be strippers to make money instead of being a nurse
Thanks for DJing my sex last night. You were on point 💜
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