You threw up in a Dixie cup last night. Oddly, you just gained major points in my book for that.
we couldnt tell if he was gay so we started working glee quotes into the conversation to see if he noticed.
Just got a birthday card from Camel. How am I supposed to stop smoking when they care?
In Denver there are more bars per capita than any other city also the healthiest city. That means lots of drunk girls and no fatties.
Sign out of Gchat. Right now my gchat list is entirely girls I've slept with.. and you. You are fucking up my gchat chi.
there isn't one for "I'll give you an I'm sorry blowjob" but that's also an option you have. in the meantime here is an emoticon of a caterpillar
He insists on falling asleep with his penis between my buttcheeks. He says its his "home".
There is is 40 year old penis staring me in the face right now if there was ever a time to be a good friend its right now.
He keeps texting me videos of fish swimming in his fish tank, so I think it's safe to say he's back on weed.
She was just a sweet cute intern for us until I saw her naked in my bed the day after the Christmas party
See what happens when I don't get laid? I make poor life decisions, like buying baby ducks.
I thought it was improvement but then i realized sex isn't an emotion and I hate everyone
I believe you would have been proud of me last night.. I was chasin Fireball shots with Jack and Coke. Guess there's a reason they call me Whiskey Woman.
We're too hungover to prance.
He started humming a moment like this when I was taking off his pants.
Randomize
