So you refered to him as "monster dick"...not so much
I realized courtney is my jiminy cricket but instead of preventing me from telling lies she prevents me from fucking strangers
You were playing beer pong by yourself. Finally someone took the ball and threw it into the bonfire. You sat by it, cried, and contemplated how to get it out. For 45 minutes.
How much time is enough between masturbating and watching little bear?
It honestly wasnt my fault this time. i was in shock. WHO THE FUCK OWNS A PEACOCK?!
i was super drunk. to the point where i was putting shredded cheese on a fork, putting hot sauce on it then dipping it in salsa. it was awesome.
I need a picture of your dick for my friends birthday card
He texted me saying that his mom found my nuva ring in their jacuzzi filter. I don't think I'm welcome back anytime soon.
Due to the events of st patties day last year I created a moral and ethical policy so that I won't get kicked out of the bar again. It mostly consists of not wearing pants so then I don't take them off at the bar.. and subsequently get kicked out.
The smell came through my closed door. His farts are made of rendered tires, and apparently, ghosts.
Do you still have "be bumpin" written on your ass in glitter pen? Who brings a glitter pen to a bar? Or pulls there ass out for that matter...
She just texted me apologizing for taking selfies on my phone then asked me to send them to her
Yes, yes I will fake crap in his house for you.
Did you leave ur panties in the sink?
Kitchen or bathroom?
Dry spell is over and now I’m drowning in a river of dick. The dam broke and now half the dicks in DC are trying get in my skirt
It’s a glorious dick miracle!
Randomize
