THEY JUST PLAYED KISS FROM A ROSE TONIGHT IS PERFECT
How do I say to her "Have you eaten mango lately because my penis had an allergic reaction"
Walked home this morning with my contacts in a shot glass.
First class.
Just puked on the beach. Hungover. In front of my parents. I love summer.
My gynecologist just commented on how well my vagina was waxed
She just drank the vanilla extract. Again. AGAIN. No one should be that eager to get drunk.
HAPPY NEWYEARSM FAGTRON! GETTING HEAD IN TAXI I WIN
I honestly didn't see the problem playing beer pong In the car on the road trip home.
My neighbor just watched me eat a granola bar without pants, this is a whole new level of unemployed
Whoever decided to wrap my shins in duck tape owes me new leg hair.
Go to the bar. Find a girl. Ask if she can cook. Tell her you have a guitar at home. Ask her if she wants to see it. Bring her home. Sleep with her. Tell her it's your birthday in the morning. Enjoy your made with lust breakfast.
a guy just walked through our campsite, crouched down by the truck, screamed "ACID ONLY LASTS FOR 8 HOURS RIGHT?!", then ran off into the bushes
Checking my Tinder matches as I sit here in the waiting room at Planned Parenthood. I can't be stopped.
You casually put your finger in my ass and other people are weird..
The moral of the story is this:the last shot of the night is always a mistake
Randomize
