Are you kidding me. My sex life has diminshed to having wet dreams about jerking off.
Apparently throwing up on his dick didnt convince him to stay away . . . whats the most indirect way of saying "im just going to continue avoiding you"?
when we were having sex and i started crying and telling you i missed you..why couldnt you stop and tell me how you felt or make me feel better?you kept going...
You woke up in the middle of the night and told me we won the sweepstakes, the penis sweepstakes.
my brother walked in while we were fucking, silently took my bong from my closet, saluted us and walked out.
as my niece was drinking milk out of a crown royal glass i realized i dont think i've ever bought a glass that didnt come with a bottle of liquor....
I just reached for my seatbelt when I sat down to pee... Might be a little hungover.
Ryan learned the all important lesson tonight; Red Bull gives you wings, Jaeger gives you gravity.
We're at the urgent care down the street from you if you care to stop by
Dude you were sitting on a bench on the street with her for 45 minutes thinking you were on the bus
But Alex is drunk in Philly and I told him to come see me so that's "first-love,-drunk,-high,-and-it's-a-snow-day-hook-up-with-an-ex" points. 69
Holy shit he's circumcised. His parents must have really loved him.
Just a warning... Flip, sip, or strip always ends in all participants being naked. Learning from experience.
yea but i missed the pot and poured the boiling water on my dick. shit hurts. aint nothin easy about that mac
Remember the golden rule, wine is for baths, and beer is for showers.
I mean, it's good for a lot of things. Just not the inside of your vagina
Well neither is bbq sauce but I dont judge kinks
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