You wouldn't stop asking the hibachi cook if his knife was a hattori hanzo
Got a plan. Ill do rock paper scissors and if you win we smoke a joint. Throw rock.
Its official, cigarettes are now more expensive than weed
The sex was so good, I called my ex during the 2nd time just so he could hear. Is that mean?
The liquor store is having an inventory reduction sale. It would be a sin not to stop and help them out.
And we all know God doesn't like sinners.
Amen.
I knew as soon as I saw that pole that I was going to wake up the next morning with bruises.
Apparently suggesting that she was the kind of girl who might be expected to kill someone's pets hurt her feelings...
I accidentally lit my hair on fire and we broke the bed. How was your night?
If my penis could make facial expressions, it would constantly have a smile on.
I'm hiding in the bathroom at the library but there are children here I just want to drunk cry in peace
Whose panties are you wearing on your head and why are you sending me pics of it?
I have photo proof.
Girl, don't care. What's my rule? If I don't remember it, it never happened.
how soon in a friendship can you start calling them a motherfucker
random boy in my bed. last night wasnt a dream. fuck.
I got really worried when i woke up and there weren't any missed booty calls from him between 3 and 5 am. Apparently his gf is in town ...
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