how the fuck am i supposed to make breakfast with spaghettios and mustard
Just cropdusted the office
I was carrying him baywatch style into my place because he passed out.
I blacked out before two in the afternoon yesterday. Now that's a successful birthday.
We got jeff a deep fryer for his bday. So far the count is two potatoes and your iPod.
I think you begin to realize how unfair life really is when you're high and you discover that the new box of fruit by the foot on your shelf is actually empty
The other. Cat spoke to me and left. This shit is laced
The first cat might save me but they are taking out masks
My pubes were yanked out by the root when they got caught in the condom. I think it's time for a bikini wax.
He practically cut off his thumb and she offered him a tampon to stop the bleeding
Broeke and glass. I feel so and. Appilogixe in morbing.
All of the hungover. I've changed not showered but can't quite make it to the booze.
WE'RE IN THE RED ZONE PLAY THRU THE PAIN
i thought this was a perfectly normal conversation between two adult men about why this children's cartoon is quality television but no you just gotta be talking shit again
The boob job was worth every penny just to see the expression of pure joy on his face the first time he saw them.
mid-sex she goes "oh my god. you aren't even going to remember my name in the morning, are you?". And i was so wasted that i straight up told her "honestly, I don't even remember your name right now"
I’m really upset they canceled the conference. Since the divorce I’ve been working out, I bought cute new outfits and even found a bikini I liked. Now it’s all online. You can’t get laid at a webinar
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