I was just like staring at the lawn boy while singing "You Belong With Me".
I am the king of creep.
did that guy on the oscars really just tell me to text a dolphin?
I have a sudden craving for National Treasure 2. THIS IS WHY DRUGS ARE AWESOME
I know we had a good night last night because his turtle was half asleep chewing on the used condom.
I just heard someone say "gosh-darnit" and they didn't have a southern twang. I worry for New York.
Everyone is hammered wasted already...young, old, the dying, babies...we got them all
My mom just admitted you were a good looking kid & if you weren't my friend & 30 years older she would do you. I'm going to commit suicide.
she's doing key bumps of parmesean cheese
She's doing hand stands on the train as I type. Idk if I'm impressed it embarrassed. Or turned on.
Then you better bring Starbucks and a box of condoms in the morning.
Oh shit. This is getting real.
He showed up at my apartment drunk with a telescope wanting me to look at the "blown up star" in -24 degree weather, claiming "it's in the name if science"
I just stole a bunch of balloons from a birthday party and am giving one to each person at the bar.
I left him naked in his bed. I did cover his junk with a blanket in case his roommate walked in later though. so I don't feel as bad about it.
my mom tells me this morning that i was blasting teach me how to dougie at 2 am last night and refused to leave her room until she dougied with me
It goes to show, Sane person, daddy doms, little girls, all of us may seem different but deep inside we all grow wisdom teeth
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