paul mccartney is starting to look like angela lansbury
I sent you an email today but due to work restrictions, I had to misspell choke sex
EVERY baby cries during their baptism. It's like they know from that moment on their parents are going to make them do lame things like their first communion and stuff.
You have more facebook pictures than most towns have people.
God I love babysitting. They pay me $10 an hour to watch movies and sext
i'm drunk and confused. there might be a 4 year old here.
I'm pretty sure you thought I could absorb alcohol through my dress
My goal is to upperdeck the house I'm at, because it's some girl I don't know's birthday. Welcome to adulthood, bitch.
Guys with integrity exist just to rain on my slut parade.
My birthday is in 11 days. Going ham. Consciousness will not be an option
And now I'm drinking leftover wine in the grad lounge because fuck my life
There is a 90 percent chance I threw up in a mailbox last night....
Idk I was embarrassed that I hit it too hard so I played it off by spitting out bong water like a 'whales blowhole'
Look I'm really hungover so let's try this again. In 5 mins you're gonna call me and tell me that you're on your way with xannies, iced coffee and a back rub
Nobody cheats on THIS.
Randomize
