There is a mermaid on oprah and she looks nothin like ariel
Just dunked an oreo in a white russian. Trying to think of a better experience in my life and failing.
So i banged this chick from Peru last night. Needless to say, I'm having chipotle for lunch todayas a south American reward to honor her.
I use him for alcohol and he uses me for sex. This is the closest thing to love i could imagine
he walkred up to the manager at dennys and said 'look, my friends passed out in your bathroom, can i go get her?'
i'm half naked talking to a cat. you don't have to justify your life to me.
Even completely stoned shes amazing on the piano. There are like 7 people sitting on the ground listening to her like she's the messiah.
AND BY FEELINGS I MEAN VODKA
We've been here for ten minutes. She told me I wasn't "Irish enough", licked my tits, and then sprinkled green glitter on them.
And then he posed under the bed and said, "you should draw me like one of your french girls." Why do they keep giving this kid drugs?
Everything smells like blood and olive oil.
new costume idea. paint swatches and a ball gag... I'll be 50 shades of grey.
Do you think next time you could control the yawn? Kind of a buzzkill to be mid-orgasm and see you yawning over there.
If I die, let him know that his penis was the last penis I saw. And I'm happy about that.
My sister just showed me a snap chat that I don't remember sending, it was a picture of me with two big macs in my bra with just the words "BURGER TITS"
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