Being alone has allowed me to flourish into a complete weirdo
So when exactly did I get naked and makeout with the statue?
stupid gm bankruptcy made me miss the showcase showdown
Those cock suckers. We need to know who's winning the hot tub and the vacation to the alps
I've been thinking and really it's a miracle I haven't had an STD yet.
You ended at least 6 stories with "and that's why I don't snort coke anymore"
I have seen more male genitalia at this party tonight than I ever want to see again in my entire life.
i also performed surgery on a chicken burrito from what i can tell from my scissors
Get in your clown car, pick up everyone you know, and head to the park. drunk Sledding grand prix tonight. winner takes home the leftover beer
Impromptu road trip to New Orleans for four days of Mardi Gras. I'll probably be alive and back for Valentine's Day plans, probably won't stick my dick in some random either-might be using my free pass you cheating asshat. Love you. Expect random texts & probably a drunk dial or twelve. You did this to yourself. You're not invited so don't bother. Have fun at work.
Is using cherry lube as jam shameful or hilarious
Update. A gay dude just told me I'm the most beautiful thing with a vagina he as ever seen. How should I feel about this?
And I'm laying here struggling with the notion that I need to put pants on.
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Magyver!
sometimes i like to lay one the floor and pretend im a carrot.
So, do I need to remind you to keep it classy tonight?
No, because if you have to be reminded it isn't classy.
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