Woke up this morning with one boob drawn on to look like the globe. Questionable?
Standing in line for a prescreening of Alice in Wonderland - guy just passed out cold in front of us - first drug overdose of the Alice in Wonderland phenomenon witnessed.
Motor boating, judging by the amount of lipstick I found I would say between 6 to 8 times
he needs to hurry and make his mind up... i mean i can't keep getting peed on by a guy who isn't even my boyfriend
could hear acupuncture therapist getting blown in the next room over the whale music
I couldn't sleep so I took 4 shots of vodka and promptly threw up in the sink. Happy Thursday
Why must everything this weekend have to do with something going into or coming out of my vagina?
We were in the middle of a serious discussion about social justice and he pulled sequins out of his teeth and kept talking like nothing had happened.
I should not be allowed to be in possession of a fifth and a phone at the same time.
Knowing that porn stars want to fall in love is the weirdest thing I've found to be beautiful recently. I'm so lonely.
I just wanted to tell you that the German word for "dickhead" can also be translated as "ass violin" and I think that's beautiful.
The cop took you back from the hospital and the lady at the front desk said "how are you doing cal?" You said "how do you know my name?" she responded "you're the only person i've ever seen that can throw up in your back pocket." Skills dude.
I'm not the kind of girl that sleeps with someone else's boyfriend. But I'm getting waxed just in case I change my mind...
We were driving past a farm when he screamed at me to stop the car, then he jumped out and tried to ride a cow.
I gotta do like a month's worth of catch-up personal hygiene today in prep for Christmas so extended family doesn't ask if I'm depressed.
Randomize
