sorry probably not gonna make it :( kinda tied up right now
sad face, r u gay?... wait like really tied up?
:)
An ex-gang member just asked me out on a date via note. And spelled dinner wrong. Win?
ive come to realize my hair is a lot like my vagina. i put a bunch of shit in it with no result
I'm so used to throwing up its no longer a game of hanging over the toilet. Now it's just 'stand up, aim for the toilet, do my thing' then walk out
You ordered a "mcblizzard" and yelled @ the worker for false advertisement because she didn't flip your "mcblizzard" upsidedown. You wanted it free. I'd say mcdonalds daytime workers need to be trained in dealing with daytime drunks too. She didn't know what to do.
The bride says you won't want any of the single ladies...
Let's let the open bar be the judge of that.
Okay well someone asked "IS HE HOMELESS?" about me so I need to try and find somebody.
It's a 2 hour train ride a 7 in the morning, of course we're bringing alcohol
You keep saying things....but all I'm hearing is kegs
drinking ice water after you brush your teeth, is like Antarctica blowing a load into your mouth.
I was more obsessed with the sweat stain on her back that was simultaneously shaped like a vagina and the virgin Mary.
Can we please get on skype for like 20 seconds so i can show you my penis and the spiderman temporary tattoo that is right above it
He just kept mumbling that he was too drunk for society and then he peed in a bush
it's too much effort for something that isn't food.
I just went to cvs and bought condoms, handcuffs and a coloring book
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