I would kind of like a job that starts at 10:30 and i'll work til 7. I'm not very productive in the morning. My main focus is not puking from 9-11.
I think thanksgiving was created so we could all be thankful that we're still alive after the night before.
So many tools at one table, you'd enjoy my italian family
so i turned around to do some reverse cowgirl when he said that this was such a better visual for him. Bad compliment or serious insult. i cant tell
I am sitting on the floor by my oven watching my cookie dough blossom. This is a whole new level of fat
As your boss, I feel obligated to tell you that turning our management meeting into a kegger may just be the best idea you've given me yet.
So i told him he was the 3rd i have ever slept with and then i found out he had actually slept with 5 other girls besides me. And his reply was well your number one on this hand.
Can you explain to me later why there's a pirate hat in my bathtub
My catholic guilt is strong, but the alcohol is stronger.
And after we were done he said "Let's play a game! Who can find their clothes first"
She was a little hefty, so I turned on the strobe light in our room. Everything looks better with a strobe light.
im watching blue is the warmest color at the music box and this dude is literally masturbating 3 feet in front of me
UPDATE: IM NOT A TEEN MOM LETS GO PARTY
YOU CAN'T JUST ADD EVERYONE WHO ENTERS MY VAGINA ON FACEBOOK WTF
I've done dumber things than this for flimsier reasons. Come with. If I pull it off I need a witness, and if I fail I need an escape plan.
Randomize
