Well my night just got interesting. I just home from the police station. Hope you had a fun night out!
I'm at derby!
The kentucky derby! But its night time, theres no way the horses are awake at this time.
don't worry about the poodle she's always like that. she's like 14 years old and ate a bag of weed when she was a puppy.
Bring my lunch to work in liquor store bags is doing nothing for my career
lesson learned: don't narrate out loud about how a girl is giving you head while she's doing it
pretty sure that drunk girl we saw climbing the stairs is now DJing this club....
She took the fish and put it in the hot tub, then turned on the jets. She said she was training it for the Olympics.
It really went downhill when you started writing IOU on pieces of napkins. Giving them to the strippers
Real life dumb and dumber
Either of you know why the shower was on and the bathroom door wide open with no one in there at 6 in the morning?
Nothing says "First Single Holidays" quite like getting baked with the guy that took your virginity four years ago.
WHITE RUSSIAN BREAKFAST CEREAL.
FYI the blow job was for papa johns pizza
I regret 8000% nothing
Jealous. I want an iud. Maybe there's a late night bodega that'll insert one for me
Just keep me informed about your plans. That way i can figure out places to go and if i need to shave my balls
She's celebrating a tinder-match-aversary and I'm not about that.
Randomize
