I think I'm in Tiajuana
You are not in Tijuana. I saw you an hour ago
I could be
just caught grandpa beating off in the living room
I just put a tampon in while driving. Don't tell me I don't got skills.
Well after last night it's official...I cannot die...it time to use this power for good instead of handle contests
she named my penis "gigantor the baby arm"
Im rolling a blunt of encouragement for you to return to
I owe you a thank you for last night. Only you could go up to a guy, ask if he likes my boobs, and return later to find us in a full on dance floor makeout sesh. Well played.
The last thing I remember is singing hotel California with a hobo and asking every bald man I saw if I could touch his head.
I was passed out in a bathroom stall. Of course im going to look like shit
I woke up this morning with 3 phone numbers, a red Chinese New Year envelope with cash in it, and a winning scratcher all stuffed in my bra. I'd say it was a pretty successful Thursday night.
I either forgot underwear this morning or lost them at work and I seriously don't know which.
I almost stopped mid bj to let him know I appreciated his balls being nice to look at/have my face near. But I didn't know if that would ruin, or improve the moment.
I just had a flashback to us shaking up Gatorade mix and then inhaling it in your kitchen because it was funny. Now I can't stop laughing in work because that is the stupidest shit.
what the fuck is wrong with you
Do you want me to go chronologically or alphabetically?
fuck sobriety. I want to wake up tomorrow in a park or some shit.
Randomize
