I always wonder when I meet a guy from online if he needs a moment to mentally register and accept the size of my ass. maybe ill wear a dress.
Down at cameli's and some homeless dude just pulled out a taser. Awesome.
She was wearing a shirt that said "Just Do Me", holding a half of a bottle of Vodka, and was screaming at her friends "PUSSY JUST SWALLOW!" before she chugged the rest of the bottle.
Dude, if you don't take her, I will.
He just got home drunk. He ate 5 snack cakes, said Little Debbie's his bitch, went upstairs and fell asleep.
He would only do it doggy style. The "he's probably gay" debate rages on...
Hey, don't think you remember me but we met last night. I'm conducting a survey this morning its only one question: Have you seen Rob since 1am?
Also I owe you 20 bucks, a clean towel and a glass of scotch. I'll even throw in a blow job
That was the night, like, my hair caught on fire...
If I die, let him know that his penis was the last penis I saw. And I'm happy about that.
just woke up and currently drinking copious amounts of eggnog straight from the carton to replenish the electrolytes lost last night
The ONLY reason I am doing laundry is because all my sweatpants are dirty.
My grandpa is driving me to get condoms and wine. This is adulthood.
Update: tequila girl had her hand down groomsmen pants
What can I say, I just want your vagina in my mouth.
I just want to find somebody intelligent enough to trick my parents into thinking she's not a trophy wife. Is that too much to ask?
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