I didn't notice until this morning that he had a six inch RAT TAIL...
then I woke up and felt a boner that wasn't even mine. never taking 3am vodka again
Just dropped $150 at the liquor store. No power and two feet of snow has taken my alcoholism to another level.
this girl with a french braid down the center of her head won't stop talking about the benefits of the free market. i'm hungover, bloated and haven't slept for 4 days. shut up french braid girl, shut up.
Sex last night was mind blowing. your wife is one lucky lady.
Just found out i over drew my checking account on a 711 hot dog
Do u remember buying that
I remember eating it on the curb like a drunken hobo
He just walked in the house and decided to wake everyone up by yelling "I SHIT MYSELF!" We all thought he was joking....we were all wrong.
He should know he can't successfully wrestle in pudding fully clothed. Amateur.
I'm so baked, I spent the last hour trying to screencapture the cracks on my phone.
I bought the restaurant a boat airhorn to wake up sleeping employees.
I love you
I showed up to a job interview wearing two different shoes. If that's not an omen, I don't know what is.
There were firefighters and a fire truck up the street. I asked what was wrong and their exact words were "Just a tiny explosion; it'll be all right"
is caitlin alive?
ya she's alive she's watching a movie
ok remind her she drank toilet water then.
yes that’s a photo of a horny gay donkey
Oh I know. I’ve known many horny gay donkeys in my time.
Hot guy next to me on the flight lives near my grandparents. There’s a 100% chance I end up drunk and naked in his hot tub
Happy Thanksgiving to me!!!
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