Just saw a guy at the gas station legitimately dressed in exactly what my costume was last night. Fuck his life.
counting down the days left of school on my birth control packet.
90 In a 65. Talked my way out of it with the i have to poop story. i am the ticket jesus
there is a baby dancing on the table amidst the smoke of multiple cigarettes. i want to trade lives with that baby.
my mom just asked if she should wash your furry handcuffs with the lights or darks
Also, the zoloft kicked in and I can't get an erection anymore. So I'm depressed.
She gave me a handjob at the dinner table while her dad was carving the turkey. I made eye contact with him. Im pretty sure he knew.
I had to physically pry the rocks out of your hands so you wouldn't throw them at the guy with the cowboy hat. You probably would've missed anyways.
The pool of urine in the trash can signifies both a regretful yet successful night.
3 2 1 whiskey
Fair warning: I will be throwing corn dogs at you every time I see you this week.
He brought me flowers and then spanked me with a Doctor Who paddle. Pretty good night, as these things go.
Awwwwwww!
You tried to lick the lightbulb and fell off of the chair onto my wife and gave her a concussion. Did i mention you were naked?
I need to hurry up and get over my feelings for him so next year's tipsy reunion sex won't be clouded by emotions.
Ohhhhhh, that night......I need to stop drinking, almost all of my conversations that take place Wed thru Sun after 8:30 are one blurry haze.
Randomize
