I bet there is no greater pleasure in life than pistol whipping people.
Anal.
i went to toss her salad and she had a toilet paper clinger on one of the hairs
I just saw on the news, this guy tried to smuggle coke in a bouquet of roses... and to think I used to hate valentines day.
I walked outside out to find her peeing in her toga with a cigar in one hand and her thong in the other
Its a good thing the lights were off cuz Im pretty sure the look on my face when I touched his penis would have offended him
Of course he did. He is like the oprah winfrey for vaginas. Always giving that shit away.
we didn't have anything to do and wanted to get our money's worth out of our costumes, so if you see two mermaids day drinking by the creek it's us
Come get her ASAP. She's "people bowling," which is just her rolling into random groups of people. People look pissed.
I just laid my head on this pillow and I smelt your penis. It was comforting.
Don't. You get on the 18 year old. I'll get on the 38 year old. Together we will bridge 2 decades of cock.
I have a cat, a bottle of wine, and a Brazilian man. I need to catch you up on my life
She introduced me as that girl Nathan was fingering
I got very very very high last night and bought a cotton candy machine on eBay
Ethically, this is the worst thing I've ever done. Financially, however...
Whatever he got a sick blow job and his high school fantasy was fulfilled
And that's what dreams are made of
*hilary duff crying in the background*
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