I've decided to only have meaningless sex from now on.
And what brought this epiphany?
I've decided it's a lot easier to have dirty amazing sex with someone when you don't care about the other person or what they think of you. I'm going to test this theory soon. Will update you later
I like one night stands...theyre like crushes for big kids
I mean I had a leg brace. It would have been irresponsible for me to be on top.
remember the used condom we threw behind my bed? my mom found it and is accusing me and making a big deal out of it,
Haha! You pissed me off, so I actually told her to go look behind your bed. Good thing I moved to Nevada, so your dad can't kick my ass. Good luck bitch.
she was pooping while we were on video chat. new level of love.
Definitely contact high. Thirty miles an hour listening too i can see clearly now wanting too eat the steering wheel
My mom and dad are smoking a joint while lecturing me on what to bring and how to act in Europe. I'll finish this glass of wine and head over.
There are too many people and smells in this elevator for my hangover to handle.
Holy hangover, going dancing with family good idea, taking the last shot with the transvestite bar owner not so much...
Hey have you ever thought about fishing cause I'd like to go fishing but don't know anyone that fishes and I'm gonna cry because. FISHING
Bad things happen to those who bang their lab partner at the beginning of the semester.
I picked a bad day to wear the catch me fuck me shoes.
Did someone catch you and fuck you?
Do you think showing up at his door with bourbon and chicken is too forward?
I am the most hated person in hoboken. Ive been doing drunken cake boss impressions down the street for the past 20 mins.
GOD I WOULD STAB DANNY IN THE EYE WITH HIS OWN PENIS
.........That big, huh?
No. I would cut it off
Randomize
