i effin hate jeff goldbloom.
but i totally would still bang him
From the prices on this menu it looks like I have no choice. I have to blow him.
i just bought plan b at the bus station. happy holidays and welcome to a new level of white trashiness.
Just filled the brita up in the bathtub because we couldn't get it into the sink.
May or may not be going home with my jamitor. i'm kiddong, btw, i have no idea. i'll let you know soooon.
some drunk bitch driving a golf cart ran over the live band... its bad.
As i looked at his penis, it stared back into my soul. No more drinking games.
Now that I'm born again, I'm preserving my gift.
Your vagina isn't a White Elephant gift. You can't re-wrap it after it's already been given several times. That's white trash thinking.
I wouldn't even cut tickets or put ppl in jail I'd just hand out punches to the mouth and Liam Neeson throat chops
Got cut off last night cuz this chick had her hands down my shorts and was blatantly playing with my dick while I was trying to order. apparently that's "frowned upon"
I am still awake. And let me sing you the song of my people. Ahem. "I have a bottle of hydrocodone and you all can fuck off."
Dreamt I had my own personal vibrator rep, who made house calls. I earned an upgrade to an electric model, since I was burning through batteries. That's it. Time for a bf.
Do you remember me asking for jerk off videos from Tinder guy?
Nah I don't remember that being part of the criteria
I’ve cut back on drinking and now my body can’t fight off all the bad germs without the alcohol. That’s why I keep getting sick
RICK FUCKING MORANIS!!!!!
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