i just saw a woman using her birth control packet as a wallet.
let me put this in terms we both understand. he was the crunchwrap supreme of men--the perfect combo of all things manly, gooey and delicious. and ready for instant enjoyment.
Just had a serious bathroom emergency at walmart a and it appears that i ate a taco bell burrito wrapper last night
she called for a booty call so i sent mike as my stunt double
I've hit an all time low of asking baristas what would go good with marshmallow vodka. I think I might hire one to party with all of us. To make hangover drinks
I think I'm in love. He's everything I ever wanted for myself, just with a lot more drugs.
Day drinking! Today! (tomorrow too!) Our place! Whenever you get off work! Ready go!
Ok, in complete transparency, I am eating a cookie on my bed naked while reading a Halo novel.
I just googled "creative ways to tell someone you'll give them a blow job". I'm losing my touch.
I had 2 shots but she spilt one on me. Kinda mad but kinda grateful
CUTE BOY IN THE OFFICE WALKED BY AS I WAS STARING IN HORROR AT HARRY POTTER THEMED SKELETON PORN
We just had sex on an abandoned logging road while wearing snow shoes. God bless Montana boys.
But Keith is doing MDMA for New Years and he's 39.
Keith has a beautiful 20 year old girlfriend, a good job and a cute puppy. We can't all be Keith.
But I want to be Keith.
I like being woken up by phone calls of you sabotaging marriages
No bra. No panties. Makeup from last night. At work right now. I am trash.
Randomize
