I'd suck a dick for hot wings now. A metaphoric dick that is
I've been sucking dick for sushi for weeks now...hasn't worked yet :P
Her tattoo has the intellectual profundity of snakes on a plane except you can't laugh.
i woke up to my roommate spraying cooking spray on my legs. fourth time this has happened. not cool.
I bought a police grade breathalyzer on ebay at 4:37 am. At least I'm a responsible drunk.
i think i figured out where our problem might have started...when we poured more tequila on top of out margaritas to melt the ice bc they were too cold
hahaha or putting rum in the bbq sauce?
Im surprised putting the throwing knife "dartboard" next to the door didnt end up worse
I feel like I wont be making enough money to support my frivilous lifestyle of beer and mcdonalds
I just made my roommate a 'Hope you don't have chlamydia' cake.
Make one for john too.
How much morphine is too much? Keep in mind that I'm going to my graduation dinner with my parents.
I let a drunk, gay man in a dragon costume motor-boat me. With his dragon head.
If you think for one second that I would forget Mardi Gras, you clearly don't know how much I love boobs.
I DMed the cop that arrested me to come unlock my keys out if my car today
you went to ralph's and bought all of their pears and left them outside my house
it was like where's waldo, only the stakes were much higher.
As long as it's before midnight it's cool. But it would be understandable to ring in my new year shitting myself just before I go to Iraq.
Randomize
