dude just tell them you don't wear clothes. they'll understand
Does getting a boner while watching the celtic women sing opera on ETV make me cultured?
she played "i just wanna get married" by jagged edge while we were having sex. why cant i avoid stage 5 clingers
you described his penis as a "portable fishing pole"
Your philanthropic work just got me laid, thanks dad for naming me #2.
It's one of those days where you order the free Papa John's pizza so the delivery guy can bring you Coke to go with your rum. The tip was more than the order.
I just had a contest with the toilet to see who could hold their breath longest.
I won
You know you gotta reevaluate your life when the first thought that comes to mind after you wake up is 'at least I'm still alive'
Well. I went to a frat party where they mixed gin and Mountain Dew. My kingdom for some olives and vermouth.
Learn from me. When going to a booty call do not wear a belly shirt. Nothing says shame like a belly shirt at 7am.
There was so much jailbait at the festival that there was no other option but to drink my morals away
i woke up this morning put my hand under the pillow and there was a banana there
He ate me out while I finished season 1 of Stranger Things. If that's not a modern day relationship goal, then I don't know what is.
I ended up snorting coke while wearing a Bavarian dress and I feel like I need to reevaluate my life
I figured it out! There's blood on the kitchen floor because I fell into the dishwasher. And there's a face dent. And it doesn't work.
Yea.....I saw that happen.
Randomize
