tell me how a rose bowl party involves waking up to find a raccoon in my kitchen cabinet eating my oreos the next morning?
That still doesn't explain why you thought it was a good idea to paint a cow on my guitar
We FINALLY fucked. I swear that's the longest I've ever held out for
Umm you met him three days ago....
I said what I said
It was so weird. I had like an out of body experience. I heard the moaning, but I didn't know it was me.
He should be castrated
Nah he might accidentally come while they're cutting it off. Wouldn't be fair to the surgeons
Yknow what, if there is a thug life for white bitches, I'm living it. I went out on a date, watched howls moving castle with my brother till he passed out, then went and got some a+ dick, and made it home in time to take my mom to work. Now its 7am, I'm in bed with some free tacos, and when I'm done eating I'm going to sleep. What a great night.
as i sobered up i realized that her cute accent was actually a speech impediment
You're the reason I lose Never Have I Ever
We may not see eye-to-eye on much, but I'm definitely willing to let you see eye-to-vagina again.
It was inevitable. It was like I was a caterpillar and now I'm a drunk and high butterfly
Somehow i instagrammed my acceptance letter while blacked out. Then my grandma was the first to comment on it. I got over 50 likes....Phd here I come....
She's astronaut crazy. She will wear Depends and drive 12 hrs non-stop if you swipe right.
Challenge accepted
it's a rainbow of FUCK YOU
On a scale of 1-10 I’m at biblical violence
I feel like 20 angels jizzed in my mouth. This cupcake is DELICIOUS!
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