your brother just told me that Guinness is the first book of the Bible...
Smoking bowl and applying to community college. I now know how I got here.
Are we going out tonight?
My conscience says no but my vag says yes
I don't think it counts as a walk of shame when it's someone you've wanted for 4 years. That's mission accomplished.
Just watched an entire Mariachi band walk of shame home together. Halloween at its finest
I STILL HAVE A HARD TIME DECIDING WHAT TO WEAR IN THE MORNING HOW WOULD IT BE POSSIBLE FOR ME TO PICK A PAIR OF PANTS AND GO OH ILL JUST WEAR THESE FOR THE REST OF MY LIFE
We are 100% horrible people, and im extremely happy we are friends
I was woken up at 6 am by a second grader trying to give me a sweatshirt for a pillow
So it's ironically funny that my psychiatrist's office and my cocaine dealer's house are on the same street
Haha, how do I word that nicely? "You got me to the edge of no return twice and failed to let me orgasm, therefore you owe me chicken nuggets or hot wings. Your decision"
how did you set a fucking salad on fire????????
I lost all interest the day she banged that guy in the Amazon parking lot. That's a special kinda whore.
I spend so much of my life shaving my body hair off and I want nothing more than his beard in all my hairless places.
hey man , the girl you brought home last night is in the kitchen puking in the sink and asking if she can have more shots of Whiskey....think i should give her a shot glass or send her home....
It’s just a penis. It’s like every other penis except it’s not the one you’re married to. Ride it or don’t ride it, but don’t agonize about it
Your not going to hell because you need some strange and the neighbor noticed you look damn good in a bikini
Randomize
